This is the closest I've ever come to seeing the face of the big man upstairs.
(I'm obviously not speaking literally, because I live in a one story farm house that rolled off a SEARS delivery truck in Arkansas plus or minus a hundred years ago.)
So figuratively. Literally, the joy I experienced when it was confirmed that I had today off gave me such a surge of endorphins that I couldn't fall back asleep for half an hour. That's some serious joy, my friend. That's physical, scientific joy.
Now this is a strange way to check in after 7 months of unpunctuated absence, and it's most certainly misleading. Joy has consistently been among the top 5 emotions I've experienced on a daily basis since entering the classroom in August. The other 4 rotate among confusion, delight, love, regret, grit, coffee, and exhaustion. If you don't think those are all emotions I encourage you to write me a well crafted persuasive essay that reflects close, thoughtful reading and research. I have my responses ready.
The point is, I love this job. It is sheer insanity how much I'm expected to do, how much I actually do, how much my kids are capable of, how much gee dee work it's going to take to get me from right now to the teacher I want to be...but I know that this is the lone of work I want to work in. And by "work" i don't mean, clock in/clock out, earn a living, or coast. By "work" I mean put in 12 hour days, grade until I can't see straight, love hard, fall asleep AND wake up thinking about the kids I need to do better for. This sin't necessarily the hardest thing I've ever done, but teaching is the hardest thing I've done for the longest period of time. And while I believe the hard is unrelated to what makes it good, it is absolutely related to what makes me good.
There are other factors that correlate pretty directly to my success, by which I mostly mean my students' success. Coffee is way up there. As is patience. Pollen count is hit or miss. Love. Access to a copier. Sense of humor. Hours of sleep the previous night. Hours of sleep the previous week. Sleep. Just as a general blanket statement. Blankets. Weight and texture. Quality of school-unrelated reading. Lots of things contribute to me feeling good, being good, and being good to my students. Which is why this mystical gift from the Arkansan gods (I imagine them as characters from a Diego Rivera mural) is so graciously received.
Today I have done the following:
Wake up
Make coffee
Add milk and cinnamon
Eat half an apple fritter left over from yesterday crushed under books in my teacher bag
Read and read and read
Make super fancy pesto mozz grilled cheese
Day drink wine
Make cookies
Read and read and read
Catch up on correspondence
Read
Write this blog post
(and there are margs and fajitas in my future)
This is basically a recipe for transforming back from exhausted, bitter January teacher to real life human, ready to drown my kids in love. And that love looks like high expectations and second chances, and patience, and individualized lesson, and energy. And excitement and passion for every aspect of preparing these kiddos for the lives they want.
It would be impossible for me to recount the subterranean-extraterrestrial rollercoaster that has been my first 6 months of teaching, but I think this sliver of a day gives you some pretty solid insight. A lot of emotions, not a lot of time. Definite celebration of the small things, like snow days.
Stay excellent.
