Do you want to know the hardest thing about being a young twenty-something on the epic verge of graduation? When other people are happy.
Seriously, we're all doing fine, commiserating with each other over failures and disappointments and the unlikelihood of our financial independence in the coming calendar year, and then all of a sudden someone gets a job or a fellowship or an apartment or the smallest and least promising of leads and we're de-railed. Snap. Just like that, we're goners.
Because really, how do you expect me to be happy for the competition? Even when they're not my competition, isn't it our duty as the downtrodden of the economy to root for the underdog? To root for the "us," not the "them"? And despite wanting to be happy for friends and acquaintances who are stumbling on success (dare I lend their accomplishments the agency of hard work and achievement) all I can do is add those efforts to my list of failures. No amount of will, passion, or ice cream can sway my emotions toward their favor.
And I don't think I want them to be unhappy. It's not really a "misery loves company" scenario. And I also don't think that getting a job offer or a trust fund would relieve my animosity. So what would? Now that you mention it...nothing. One of the many burdens of the quarter life crisis, I suppose. The perpetual, rippling self doubt associated with any glimmer of success and the insatiable taste for accomplishment seem to be the ying and the yang of my mental state. What a terrible ying and yang.
So what's the solution? How do we make ourselves happy for the people we despise? Fake it till you make it is the obvious solution, and the one I typically adhere to. But I think my new favorite is asking questions that poke holes in the longevity of their success. Like, "What are you doing after your 1 year highly competitive fellowship?" The illusion of interest blended with the satisfaction of masked fury. I think that's as close to a win-win as we get in these situations.
Karma, my friend, is the answer. You should be happy for them because one day, whenever that day arrives, they'll be happy for you too. (Fingers crossed on this one) And as you mentioned in your last post, being happy for yourself and others is a choice. It's the right choice, minus poking holes in their success. As a person who has been suffering from what you refer to as a quarter life crisis for three years, you'll have to take my word for it on this one.
ReplyDelete