Useless Skills

We learn lots of useful things in college: reading, writing, rithmatic, etc. But survival is also dependent on a set of skills than I suspect, in 48 hours, will become completely irrelevant to my life. Here are a few chart toppers.

1. Deciphering Professors' handwriting
How would we know how we did without these code-breaking status experiences?

2. Knowing what to drink to cure your next day hangover
This will henceforth be referred to as alcoholism

3. How to determine if an outfit of dirty clothing is wearable.
In the real world people may or may not actually wash (and iron!) their clothes

4. How to pack your entire life into a 4x5 storage unit
It's harder than it sounds, and maybe now I'll only be moving at the end of every other year instead of every single May

5. How to pay for a big group meal when no one wants to pay for anything more than what they ate and everyone put in 53 cents for tip and didn't add tax and a person is in the bathroom and another person left early and only left a bus token and the waiter says if you take any longer he's just going to put you to work as a dishwasher for the rest of the month
Split. The Fucking. Check.
Right down the middle.

6. Deciding where to go on a Tuesday night
hahaha, you have work tomorrow!

7. Climbing over people in a lecture hall when you have to go the bathroom or you've finished an exam early
These skills may be transferable to first class airplanes but I really can't think of another space that has that awkwardly sized leg room situation where it's just enough that the person doesn't have to stand but definitely not enough that you can get out comfortably

8. Staying up and mentally alert past 3 am
I'm confidant that I will have little use for this ability and that the lack of practice will have me turning in by ten on the reg

9. Skimming reading for the point
No time limit. You can actually enjoy and CHOOSE the books and articles you're reading

10. Bitching
Sassy complaining is an art form, but doing it when things are actually bad (unemployment, isolation, death, etc) as opposed to fake bad (they gave me a regular instead of a skinny latte, I only got the third highest grade, I had to walk 5 feet because of my parking spot) is in bad taste. The days of bitching are behind you, young graduate.