The Apartment Period

Here's a puzzle for you:

What do Carrie Bradshaw, Hannah Horvath, and Jane NoLastName from 27 dresses have in common? (Besides, of course, their varying degrees of despairing singularity, their gender, and, incidentally, their geographic location...)

That's right! They all have absurdly fabulous apartments.

As if by magic they have all managed adorable little dwellings in the urban jungle which provide spacious stomping grounds for them to explore their independence, sexuality, and wardrobe. Beyond the utter irrationality of them affording these apartments with their slave labor professions there is an important message about the American (20-something) dream.

Once upon a time it was the expectation that you did or didn't go to school and then you used that time to court a future spouse, nail em down, marry em, and go on living happily ever after (or until divorce was popularized as an alternative to prolonged misery). But now...the 20-something dream has evolved. The vision of perfection includes me-time, self exploration, orienting oneself towards a career, building relationships outside of your future marriage, and what does a young 20 something need to realize these exploratory,experimental dreams? A fabulous apartment of course.

An apartment is no longer a stepping stone to a house in the burbs or a decadent status symbol for the highly cultured elite; it is a cupboard-under-the-stairs sized backdrop to a  period in a young chica's life (or chico's, I suppose, but  then my mind just wants to call it a bachelor pad) when all that matters is finding yourself. But, to be honest, my inner feminist conscious is a little concerned that these intensely valuable exercises in self development are a moderately well veiled attempt to figure our own shit out before moving into the big, final, will-be-the-real-thing relationships. We're trying to make ourselves less of a mess (a challenge that I suspect will be a huge part of my life, for the rest of my life) to make ourselves more desirable.

And I have two huge issues with that:

1. Do it for yourself! The "self" in self improvement isn't just referring to the person doing the work, it's referring to the person reaping the benefits. Improve yourself so that you can do more, be more, feel more. And part of that is opening yourself up to the world and the people in it, but part of that is also opening up new parts of yourself.

2. I want to spend my life with someone who can help me wade through my shit. How will I know if they're up to the task if they don't help me? In the least manipulative way possible, it's the ultimate test.

The apartment era of your life is about finding yourself on your own, but if you're completely on your own it will be pointless. I know for me the hardest form of courage is social courage, or being willing to open myself up and let other in, to trust, to receive, but you have to be learning that for yourself, not for someone else, or you'll risk it meaning nothing at all.

So let's enjoy the apartment period. Especially if it comes after having moved home. Amirite?