Sorry I'm Not Sorry

Oh hey there.

I I were to put a number on my blogging average it would probably be "sucks" but with my defensiveness kicking in I feel compelled to remind you that I began this blog as a personal outlet and while I sure am sorry if my hiatus has caused you any inconvenience or existential longing, the reality is that I don't actually care.

For the better part o the last month I've been failing to work up the courage to post a diatribe on deities that I composed on my recent stay in hell (otherwise known as keeping the company of 39 teens in Israel for 3 weeks). It was irreverent and eloquent but also incredibly personal and while I imagine that I like all you anonymous numbers who accumulate into pageviews, it's actually the people I know that scare me more. So, I'm not offering my thoughts on the powers-that-be just yet, but I am offering thoughts.

Specifically, my thoughts on being 22. Taylor Swift has all but incorporated her thoughts on this subject into the national anthem, so I though it only appropriate that one of us mere mortals shout back. "Happy, free, confused, and lonely" at the same time isn't a bad start. Kudos, Taylor. But I feel like there are some nuances that a pop ditty can't necessarily accommodate. Confused? maybe. But questioning the validity of my self doubt would probably be more accurate. Lonely? not so much. I certainly have my moments, but of all the sensations that hit me like sponges in the face at a cruel carnival game, I would prioritize boredom and an unidentifiable longing high above loneliness. Happy? Every once in a while. But comparing to a college-happy, the 22-post-grad happy feels an awful lot like acceptably sociable. And I feel like free is probably just a lot more relevant to those who have achieved financial independence.

So...I am feeling 22. But I'm also feeling a little tired and a little lost and a little always in need of a glass of red wine.

So t.swift, Imma let you finish, so please do me a favor and fill in the blanks. Because I just can't figure out which of your four categories I should slot "losing interest in previously entertaining activities."