At long last the moment has arrived.
My three week hiatus with 39 16 year olds (by the way, my new least favorite age - all the sass with none of the redemption) was a convenient way to deflect people during the graduation inquisition, but that mistake has come and gone and now I'm really just applying to grad programs (a terrifying mountain of to-do lists) and seeking reasonable underemployment to finance travel in the Spring.
And so the Quarter Life Crisis begins. Until this point my anxieties have really just revolved around the onset of the QLC. Now it's really here. And while my pockets are full of a fresh 1K from 3 weeks in a dessert like hell, my pockets are also full of excuses.
I told myself (in a fit of delusion and defiance) that I couldn't look for a job because I was working this 3 week job in the summer I couldn't find a real job, and so I took this terrible position at a terrible camp to fill in the gaps. The cycle of frustration and misery is self imposed and self perpetuating, which is a fine classification but does nothing to explain why I insist on doing it to myself. Why should I preclude myself from gainful employment? Why should I set up a life that is underwhelming and unfulfilling? In short, why am I being my own worst enemy?
And then I remember that in a year where I actually want to be is a top Postcolonial PhD program, and I realize that these things are fairly irrelevant, but why should I let a single year of my life be irrelevant? Why can't it all be incredible and life changing? And that, I guess, comes back to me too.
Which brings me to a new appendage to my QLC definition: a self induced cycle of doubt and self-hate resulting in nothing positive but successfully impairing any sense of fulfillment or achievement.
Welcome to Euphoria. Your call is very important to us. Your call will be answered by a representative in approximately eight years.
In the mean time, dial Hell and I'll answer.
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