More Pleasant Musings Soon

The process of writing is a process of discovery.

And for the past 5ish months this blog has been a locus a discovery, a space in which I can uncover and encounter the recesses of my consciousness in an effort to sort through my own feelings before I'm forced to acknowledge them in the real world.

And then I graduated college. And then I moved home.

And suddenly the composite hour I spent on the phone with my parents every week has been blown out of proportion, and the sanity provided by meals and work and general time spent with friends has been shrunk to some infintissimal percentage of its original. I feel my mind shrinking and growing lazy. I feel my social skills losing their finesse. And I feel all the self doubt and sense of not belonging (the kind I associate with adolescence, not with the growth and exploration of the college years) returning in tidal wave force.

So it's not that I haven't been thinking about what these changes mean, what ripples out from these pivot points in life, but rather that i've only been thinking about them, and haven't been sure how to put words on this new brand of loneliness I'm experiencing. I'm afraid that when I sit down to write I'll discover that reading a book a week, learning to knit, and studying for the GRE aren't actually doing anything to stave off impending misery. I've been more comfortable not knowing one way or the other.

I'm hoping that as I return to the writing table my own thoughts will become more cogent and that I'll regain some semblance of control over my own experience, but I ask that you understand that if I fail to post it really isn't you, it's me.